I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
