she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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