I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You smell like a Billy Joel song
and she was petting her beer can
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
