end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
