New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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