i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Holy shit dude........stairs
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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