Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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