She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
