"it" just moved
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
