Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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