loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
