So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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