the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
