These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
