Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
