Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
