You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
