I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
