there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
