Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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