Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
