There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
