I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.