Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

   Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard. 

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.  http://tfl.nu/9e9a
  Replies (4) Good night (825) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I am the king of creep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me". (262): I am the king of creep. http://tfl.nu/3401
  Replies (12) Good night (3361) Bad night (999)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep.. http://tfl.nu/e7l5
  Replies (39) Good night (8205) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room. (1-480): Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess? (480): You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about. http://tfl.nu/fd7a
  Replies (38) Good night (7406) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser. http://tfl.nu/fqkl
  Replies (116) Good night (2933) Bad night (20484)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!? http://tfl.nu/nh7f
  Replies (39) Good night (8322) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together. http://tfl.nu/l7kg
  Replies (34) Good night (3177) Bad night (9924)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I was the one passing out cake at the bars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I was the one passing out cake at the bars http://tfl.nu/ucfe
  Replies (4) Good night (2357) Bad night (760)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical. http://tfl.nu/ps02
  Replies (17) Good night (3116) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century. http://tfl.nu/3h7h
  Replies (18) Good night (726) Bad night (3052)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to" http://tfl.nu/krok
  Replies (4) Good night (1508) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions. http://tfl.nu/0vpd
  Replies (2) Good night (914) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night. http://tfl.nu/aogr
  Replies (9) Good night (1502) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count

  (516): View more from New York

  then nothing in my life counts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count (516): then nothing in my life counts http://tfl.nu/4fe8
  Replies (8) Good night (1843) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Spopky scrzy skeletonssz

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET. (865): Spopky scrzy skeletonssz http://tfl.nu/c8hh
  Replies (5) Good night (690) Bad night (325)

Randomize