and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.