i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.