$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.