I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?