First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
