I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
