So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
