Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
