Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
