I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
