even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
