Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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