She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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