you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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