Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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