bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I am midnight drunk by noon
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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