So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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