If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
