I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
