Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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