Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
