a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
