I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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