I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
