Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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