Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
