Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
id be glad to
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
