I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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