Just took my morning after pill in the library
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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