I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
