I wanna bring you to show and tell
wanna go halves on a baby?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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