Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
