I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
