I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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