Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
