Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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