Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
