I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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