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He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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