yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
