I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
