I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
