I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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