I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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