Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
