i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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