i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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