I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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